|
outofthefirebyGrace
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: United States
State: Indiana
Birthday: 6/25/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: God, music, friends, family, etc...
Expertise: i like art a lot! i don't know how he feels about me though...
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/18/2003
|
|
| - I'm Not Alright -- I’m Not Alright
If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess
I’m not all right
I’m broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you
Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone
And when I’m open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I’m not that strong
I’m not all right
I’m broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you
And I move closer to you
I’m not all right…that’s why I need you --
***God, I can't go another step without You... I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't speak, I can't think, I can't blink, I can't type, I can't do anything without you... I CANNOT live without you! If it's up to me living in this world, I will continue to do the things that I want to do when I want to do them, and I will die a slow painful death without You... Because as I do those things, not necessarily being so 'bad', they will draw me away from You. The further away from You I get, the less I will be illuminated by the Light, and the more I will grow accustomed to the darkness. In the darkness I can't see anything, so I don't know that what I'm eating is bad for me... I don't know that what I'm consuming is killing me... I don't know that all these things that are coming at me and I'm ingesting them one by one -- they're all bad for me, but I've gotten so far away from You that there is no light to illuminate and show me that what I'm doing is wrong, and completely against Your will... God draw me back to you...
Holy Spirit forgive me for sinning against you, and against myself... forgive me for sinning against the Body of Christ, forgive me for sinning against everyone who is in my life that is relying on me to show them the Gospel of Christ by my life, but I keep making You seem like something You're not because of what I'm doing to myself... "If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life lame or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the everlasting fire." (Matthew 18:8) So, God, cut off my hand if you have to... I don't want my life to go to Hell... I don't want those who are around me observing my every move and mood to go to Hell... God, I've said that 'I want to live for Your glory (Your honor, Your praise, Your renown... That You would be famous in ALL the earth!)' but by my secrets that I hold onto, and my things that I hide behind, and the things I keep hidden -- I am leading people right with me to Hell... I can't hide anymore.... I'm an adulterer... not in the 'world's' sense of the word, but... "You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27) Gee, doesn't that go the other way too? Not only that, I've committed sin against my own body... That's right, I'm NOT perfect! And if I keep it in any longer, I'm going to burst, because I keep finding myself in the same sin patterns... I'm not going to blame it on 'generational curses' though it may have had some effect on it in the past, but I keep opening the doors to stupid things that I should never think about... I'm committing adultery on God, myself, my future husband (if it be God's will) and all the people that God has put on this earth for me to have an influence upon... I could keep these things to myself, but I can't!
I can't be silent any longer about what the enemy of my soul wants me to keep to myself, and let it eat me away, literally! SATAN, YOU ARE A LIAR!! you have tried to keep me bound for long enough! NO MORE! I RENOUNCE MY FORNICATING, ADULTEROUS PAST AND I MOVE FORWARD TO A DISCIPLINED, PURE FUTURE!!!!! IN JESUS NAME!!!
| | |
| - 'my refuge,' 'i need you'... Yes, I do have the "In a Relationship" status posted on my profile. (on myspace...) It's not because I want to be like anyone else, or I feel alone or anything like that. It's because technically, I am! I made the commitment a month ago that I was going to date God for a year and that's what I want to do.
My friend Abi made a good point to me a couple weeks ago after I had told my small group that I had made an idiot out of myself previously because I was paying more attention to a guy than I should have been. (And even if the tables were turned and I was the guy, I still shouldn't have been paying this much attention to the person, because I barely knew them. They were more of an acquaintance...)
Anywho... Abi's point was that, "Kirsten, you're dating God right now, so that means you were cheating on your boyfriend. Jesus, is your boyfriend and you were cheating on Him!!" Wow, that point had blown me away. Besides the fact that she said that to me (I was happy that she did, because I'm excited about her growing friendship!! I love you, Abigail!!), It was a great point. If I were really dating someone, I wouldn't be checking other guys out. I wouldn't be wanting to spend time with another guy. (This is because I believe there is One guy out there for me and God will set that relationship up in His timing, which will start off in a friendship.)
So, tonight God spoke to my heart as I was watching T.V. and hadn't really spent any time with Him... yes, even though it's Sunday, and I went to church. I worshipped; I listened to the sermon; I prayed... yada yada yada... Just because I go to church every Sunday doesn't mean that I have a relationship with God!
--Just like me being in a garage does NOT make me a mechanic! In order for me to be a mechanic, I need to spend time with the tools that I'm working with... I need to spend time with the parts I'll be working on... You know, I have to get acquainted with every aspect of all that fits under the umbrella of being a mechanic...--
Anywho... God spoke to my heart tonight as I was watching TV and I heard him give me the analogy that If I was a married woman (or man) and if I really loved my spouse and I hadn't spent time with him all day, I wouldn't go to the TV for comfort, or want to spend time with the TV before I spent time with him -- I would want to spend time with Him before that... and I didn't do that, I spent time with Drew Carey & the gang watching 'Whose line is it anyway?'... (no, it's probably not the best show to watch, but I justified it because it's funny and I love improv...)
So... that's my transparency for tonight... thanks for listening... it's all for Him anyway!
living for His glory
& amazed by His love,
...kirsten marie... | | |
|  taking the advice of a *dear friend* to join in on her endeavor (a year later!), I have come to the decision that starting today, February 14th of 2006, I am going to date God for a year: focusing my thoughts, attentions, affections, my all on HIM!
well, that's all for now.... i need to get to bed, but i wanted to give you a taste of what God's doing in my life and where He's taking me!
living for HIS glory
& amazed by HIS love,
*kirsten marie* | | |
| So, i'm cleaning out my room... YAY!!!! ok, that's about it for now... just a quick update... more to come on the room situation soon! | | |
| ok, so i haven't updated this in like 5 months.. sorry, guys! i've been unfaithful and switched to blogger... 
so here's the link to my blogger http://www.blogspot.com/enamoredbyone
...just in case you want a more updated page. and here's the link to my myspace...http://www.myspace.com/enamoredbyone
so, that's that... love you all!!
<>< kirsten <>< | | |
|
